


Can I have that drink now, please?

by ANonsense



Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Humorous Ending, Insulting Loki's Manhood, Loki is Not Amused, Loki is not getting that drink, Poetry, Post-Battle of New York (Marvel), Sassy Tony Stark, Snarky Tony Stark, idioms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-07-27 13:56:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7621018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANonsense/pseuds/ANonsense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony, on exactly why Loki cannot have a drink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I have that drink now, please?

A drink?

A _drink_?

…

Look, horned-helmet dude

(heh – clearly compensating nude)

You forgot to include

The fact in this

That you are crawling away

Pitifully (and pink-hued, I might add)

With half my (redone, practically new)

Concrete floor

On your back

And the only reason

I'm not suing you for property damage

Is that no sane lawyer

Would take your side

On a blue moon cruise

You get me?

…

You want food?

I'll get you food.

Do you like knuckle, lettuce and tomato

Between bits of bread?

No?

Perhaps sliced meat from packets

Is a delicacy commonly pooh-pooed on Asgard

Am I right Scrooge?

…

Never mind: you'll need to be getting used to it

Going magical cold turkey

As I hope

-We hope-

You will

…

You see, Reindeer Games

Your brief winning interlude

-That's all it was-

Has hardly endeared you

To the hearts of

*ahem*

"Your People"

As it were.

Take a side-note from Thor

(Maybe also a lesson or two in

Subtle)

Killing 80 people in two days

Is actually

Rather crude for a supposed "cunning trickster"

May I suggest

(If it isn't too rude

To forcefully hint)

You might have

Succeeded

In changing the mood

If, on entering, you had, maybe…

I don't know…

Smiled?

Like, as in… properly?

As in not "deranged, creepy, asylum-escaping demi-god" kinda thing

As in, more nice, less, "may contain nuts".

…

Clint, back me up here.

The fact that, on intruding,

You were basically _exuding_ base, pessimistic thoughts

Directed us-wise

Including

"Death to all mortals

Let's take over this measly lump of rock"

And excluding

Everything Barney stood for

Might have suggested to us

Some sort of…

Hostile alien invasion?

We didn't know.

You, my friend, were losing

From the beginning

Battles, wars; that sort of thing

Who cares now?

Point is, Professor Snape,

You were much more suspect

Than Quirrell

And choosing

All the wrong stones.

(Blocks. Tesseracts. Whatever.)

We threw you a bone

And you bit the hand that fed you.

…

Loki; the food's all yours

As long as the words

"You crave subjugation"

Taste alright in humble pie.

But the booze?

I think the booze is staying

Up in the decanters where it belongs

If it's all the same to you.

I like my wine like I like my women.

…

All there.


End file.
